Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
