Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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