sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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