He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
