I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
