the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
