Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
