Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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