He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
