i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Damn victory sex feels great
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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