fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
