my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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