Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
