im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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