32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize