Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
