i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
