shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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