So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
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It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
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i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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