If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
And then he peed in my hair
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