When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
