just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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