i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Are my feet made of real feet?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
