it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
