I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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