I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
