how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wish there were birth control emojis
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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