how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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