Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She bit a glass in half.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
