Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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