Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
