I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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