I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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