i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
