laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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