at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
