You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
