is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
