i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
