how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
