My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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