I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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