i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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