i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
