Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
