the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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