he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
