Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
