I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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