I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
