I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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