paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
