Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
