after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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