No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
