I'm lost and stupid without you.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
