Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
