I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
