I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize