Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
