Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
