Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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