Define "chronic" masturbator.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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