I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
