I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
