i'm signing you up for texting rehab
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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