So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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