I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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