Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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