Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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