it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
