I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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