Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
