i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
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Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?