yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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