It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Sober January is a disaster.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.