Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.

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  (516): She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot. http://tfl.nu/dkig
  Replies (3) Good night (838) Bad night (846)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.

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  (940): shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/kuio
  Replies (24) Good night (3012) Bad night (1001)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on

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  (443): Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on http://tfl.nu/1yum
  Replies (9) Good night (717) Bad night (3526)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?

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  (812): How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt? http://tfl.nu/qj8s
  Replies (46) Good night (5576) Bad night (1453)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.

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  (404): I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training. http://tfl.nu/j8m4
  Replies (2) Good night (2310) Bad night (816)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends

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  (712): i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends http://tfl.nu/3n1u
  Replies (7) Good night (3866) Bad night (1107)
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  (530): View more from California

  If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...

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  (530): If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good... http://tfl.nu/ucmp
  Replies (14) Good night (2187) Bad night (3048)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore

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  (910): He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore http://tfl.nu/tias
  Replies (6) Good night (1143) Bad night (1365)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.

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  (517): Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons. http://tfl.nu/2wud
  Replies (4) Good night (1577) Bad night (953)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.

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  (607): Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night. http://tfl.nu/v41h
  Replies (6) Good night (2393) Bad night (770)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.

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  (484): You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now. http://tfl.nu/l9he
  Replies (4) Good night (659) Bad night (980)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.

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  (512): Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference. http://tfl.nu/5ngp
  Replies (6) Good night (807) Bad night (483)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."

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  (307): Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator." http://tfl.nu/nuq5
  Replies (4) Good night (440) Bad night (408)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina

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  (360): i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina http://tfl.nu/287f
  Replies (18) Good night (414) Bad night (1856)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?

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  (910): Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days? http://tfl.nu/vw91
  Replies (3) Good night (432) Bad night (531)

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