So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.