A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
