I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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