Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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