Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
