Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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