Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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