I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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