He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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