you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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