Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
