Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
